CarLashes…Seriously? WTF?

Hopefully, this is *NOT* America's next must-have auto accessory.

They’re called “carlashes,” people, and they suck.

Or maybe not. If you’re into making your car look cute and cuddly-wuddly wike a wittle person, these may be the coolest accessory you’ve ever seen. Right up there with bumper stickers that have lots of flowers on them or that goofy and ridiculous “flower holder” found in every VW Bug made since 1998.

Nothing like putting cutesy eyelashes on a German engineered, Nurburgring-tuned performance machine.

Why oh WHY would anyone want to give their car big eyelashes? My eyes need lashes to protect me from dust and grit – they’re especially useful in windy conditions. My car? It doesn’t need em. First of all, the headlights are protected. Second, it’s not a PERSON. It’s a car.

Ground effects and/or body kits I can understand. Sure, they add weight to your vehicle and reduce your quarter mile time…but they look mean. They differentiate. They take work to install. They are a labor of love, and there are dozens of styles to choose from. When I’m installing a body kit on my car, I’m saying “This car is bad and I know it…and now you know it.”

Sure this body kit adds weight and doesn't do anything for performance...but it takes a lot more effort than "carlashes," and it makes this Stang' look M-E-A-N

If nothing else, a custom body kit shows a commitment to the vehicle accessorization culture. Are they cost effective? No. Are they a waste of money? Probably. But none of that bothers me when I’m looking at an awesome body kit, because I know the owner worked hard (or paid someone a lot of money) to get that kit installed, and that means something in a day when too many people take shortcuts.

HOWEVER, anyone – and I mean anyone – can slap some ‘lashes on their car. That makes these inherently less interesting.

Knowing my luck, this is the kind of thing that will probably explode in popularity. My Mom, my grandmother, and God forbid my wife will want some of these little carlashes, and I’m going to look like a big hypocrite if I get snotty about it. Instead, I’m just going to have to say “Cool! You added prosthetic eyelashes to your 2001 Ford Escape. That’s great, Mom!”

At least they’re not truck nuts…

Special thanks to the folks at CarLashes.com for letting me make fun of their product, which may very well be the greatest vehicle accessory invention since the antenna tennis ball.